Ha, what do I want. That’s the first time i’ve been asked that question by anyone in months. You wanna know what i want? I want a text saying “hey, i’m coming over tonight and we’re gonna have a great night” from anyone, literally anyone. I want a hug, i literally don’t remember the last time i’ve gotten a hug. Not one of those friend hugs you give when you see a friend. I mean a hug that you feel embraced and you’re in someones arms and you can feel someone actually giving a shit about you. I want that kind of hug. I want to be driving around at 2am showing someone my favorite places, holding their hand. I want to take someone to my favorite river and cliff diving spots here in Lancaster and have the best day of my life, crack a few beers, take some cool pictures, get kissed. I want a fucking mother fucking goddamn kiss. I want to be kissed. I want to feel what its like getting kissed again for the first time. Probably so many butterflies. I want a text at 3am saying, i really care about you and i’d do anything to show you how much i care, what can i do? And then have them in my driveway shortly after. I want to feel wanted again, i dont think i’ve felt wanted in almost 9 months. Maybe more. I want to be taken out on a date. A proper, dress nice, someone opens the car door for me, date. I’ve never been on a proper date. I want someone who i miss so much when im not around them, or someone i want to see so badly that i drive to them in the middle of the night just to kiss them. We all know i’ve done it before… i’m infamous for driving 3 hours to see someone for 5 minutes. I want that.
I want to feel wanted and loved and cared about and i’m a needy piece of shit but what can i say. That’s what i want.